Sweet Story

Just thought I would share the story Michael wrote in school today. Too sweet!!

Letting Go

These last few months have been a very difficult time in our family with everything that has happened. I realize now that I have a lot of anger and resentment harbored away in me that is making it impossible to function normally. I also realize that it is not healthy, not for me or any one of us. We may always have issues that hurt the heart, but I see now that I am missing out on the most important thing there is... family. Focusing on the negative seems to drown out any new and good memories we seem to be making.

No more.... I am making a promise to myself to learn how to let go. I was in my yoga class last week and she said something that brought tears to my eyes. "We all need to let go of our negative energy and see the beautiful things that are right in front of us." So I am letting go and refuse to miss out on anything else. Here are some beautiful things I see right in front of me...

Laughs like these...

Making crafts like these (What can I say, R? You inspire me!)

And, of course, the first day of school...

So here's to the new us!! May we always see the beautiful things right in front of us...

Healing

Michael has had a summer of healing. Although unable to do many things, like going outside for more than a few minutes, no swimming, no gymnastics, he has remained quite positive. Of course there were many grumpy days (for both of us) but it has to be said that he's been quite the trooper. We got to do a lot of arts and crafts, lots of reading, and lots of cuddling.

I can't believe school starts in two days. It seems like yesterday we were saying goodbye to it. They are both pretty excited to start and looking forward to new things. I can't really say that I am prepared yet. The first month of school for me is quite boring. No one to really talk to or do fun things with. Eventually you get used to it, but it just plain stinks in the beginning. But I suppose it will give me some time to do some much needed "end-of-summer cleaning".

Amber is taking a few dance classes now and they both start gymnastics again next week. Maybe some return to a "normal" kind of schedule will do all of our heavy hearts some good.

Not For The Faint Of Heart

I've never wanted to imagine how it feels to have your own life flash before your eyes. Yesterday, I prayed it was my own instead of my baby's. Around 6pm yesterday evening, Michael was attacked by a dog. There had been no teasing, no taunting, just the quick open of a door and it happened in seconds. (Before I get into too many details, I want to say that he "OK" and resting in his own bed. "OK" is definitely an understatement, but he's not in the hospital anymore so that's a little bit of good news.) I can't even type it..... The flashbacks from yesterday are still so real in my mind that I can do nothing but cry when I think of it. I will just say that I have never fought harder at any time in my life for my child than I did yesterday.

It haunts me that it still wasn't good enough. That dog seriously hurt my little boy... He bit his face and tore off all of his clothes, and while I was doing everything possible to stop it, it wasn't good enough. He will be marked forever by that dog, having to endure more than any child should ever have to. It breaks my heart and I can't fix it.

I have so many emotions running through me at the same time. Anger, sadness, confusion, denial. I don't know what to do with that. As sad and backward as it seems, Michael has been my rock. He told me the whole way to the hospital that he was going to be ok, that we would get through this. WE!! Like I had been hurt... It is so hard not to feel like I failed him somehow, like I could have done more to protect him. I have always believed that things happen for a reason, but there is absolutely no reason for this. NO reason why an innocent child should be mauled by a vicious animal. I can't even fathom it.

I should say that Michael is doing remarkably well. I do realize that it is very soon after the fact, but he has had no complaints through all of this. None. He does have the anxiety and the fear of this happening again though, and I hope to seek some sort of therapy to make sure this doesn't hinder him in every day life. We go to see a plastic surgeon on Monday (the one who fixed him up in the ER), so I should know a little more then about what they are going to do. He said they would probably end up doing a skin graft at some point and possibly a few surgeries along the way.

It's not fair that he has to go through this... It tears me apart inside to watch him be so brave. I don't think I could possibly be any prouder of him than I am right now for facing this with such a wonderful attitude. He has no idea what is happening to him, but he knows it's going to be ok.

I just wish I knew that too.

Tragedy Strikes Yet Again

Yes, your eyes do not deceive you. That is a cast on my poor baby's arm. A trip to the doctor's yesterday for what I thought was possibly a sprain revealed a broken ulna. I don't know how it is that anybody can have a broken bone and not ever complain. But that's Amber for you.... my little rock. It is much more tolerable than the leg cast though. This one hasn't seemed to itch at all. And she can still write and color with it (she's a lefty) so it doesn't really bother her at all. She and my brother were wrestling around and he accidentally fell on her. Poor girl... Kids are so much stronger than we are...

Too Much...

Too many thoughts are running around in my head lately. Some nights I can't sleep, and it bothers me. It won't stop. I just want to shut off my brain somehow, but obviously I can't do that. Maybe writing some of them down here will help...

A while back, I posted a blog about a challenge I wanted to do, becoming a vegetarian for a month or so. It went well, I have to say. Slowly, I started eating meat again because it was just an experiment. I didn't really plan on doing it forever. Well a few months ago, I decided to try the Atkins diet to try and lose some weight. BIG mistake... I felt so gross all the time, no energy and just pretty crappy. I felt sick. I got kind of turned off by all the meat so I decided to take a break from it for a while. Well this was 3 weeks ago and I have to say I feel better than I've felt in a long time. Honestly, I don't think I want it anymore. It's so hard to explain, but I feel changed somehow.

Here's my issue with that though... I don't feel like a vegetarian. I can't even say the word. My friend asked me if I wanted a bite of something she had, which had meat in it, so I just said no thank you. Apparently not a good enough answer... Finally I got tired of her waving it in my face so I told her that I wasn't eating meat right now. To which she replies, "What, are you going vegetarian on me??" Like it's this horrible thing or something. Because what a horrible person I must be to not try her burrito. I've only talked to one person about my choice who I knew would understand. I know it should be this decision that I should be proud of, but all I feel is embarrassed and ashamed.

Why do I feel this way??? I can't even imagine how I'm going to tell my family. I have a cousin who's a vegetarian and every holiday, she gets crap about it. EVERY HOLIDAY!! I always felt bad for her that she had to put up with that, but it never really seemed to bother her. I've considered not telling them at all, but I know that won't hold up forever. Eventually I'll have to get over it and just say it, but I don't think it will be anytime soon.

I'll have to drop the V-Bomb someday...

Finally......

I am posting! Yay!!!! Ok, not that exciting.... We have been pretty good, kids are doing well in school. Michael's teacher had knee replacement surgery a few weeks ago and she probably won't be back the rest of the year. While I thought this would delight me, I now feel guilty about maybe not being so nice. We sort of made peace in our own ways, and wish her nothing but the best. Homework, however, has been the same as she is still running the show from her bed. =) He doesn't really mind though so I suppose I shouldn't either. Amber is back in gymnastics and doing well. Her foot isn't 100% yet so she takes it a little easy on the running and jumping, but she knows her limits so I leave it to her to decide what she can and can't do.

I've been keeping busy with work and trying to clean up our house. I swear, I think a secret gnome or something ransacks us every day and messes it up again. Impossible... ok maybe not impossible, but very difficult. I have also been going to yoga with a few friends form work. LOVE IT!!! Our teacher is so awesome... I am not the most flexible person in the world, but she tweaks it so it works for me. And even though I may not be able to move for a few days afterwards, it is a good pain. I assume it will go away with time. And more yoga of course.

Can you believe it was warm enough to swim last week??? Too cold for me, but the kids lasted for a few minutes.

Sew Fun

Ok, that was really dorky. But I am too so oh well. I have been sewing like a mad woman. My mom asked me to make a pillow for her bunco group she goes to every third Wednesday. Well, she actually told me I was doing this being that she had already bought fabric and stuffing. I didn't mind though, it had been a while since I dusted off the sewing machine. I was trying to figure out how to make this pillow because I have no idea how to hand sew anything. I had put a zipper into Amber's dress though, so that wasn't exactly a foreign concept. So I made a zipper pillow. Which turned out awesome by the way! I was so proud of myself and I think they look really good! I know they aren't very hard to make, but this is me here, the sewing impaired.

Yay!!

So we had a complete turnaround today! Amber woke up this morning and walked around most of the day without complaining. I could mostly tell by her face though, the look of pain that was so extreme yesterday had practically vanished! I am so relieved... So school tomorrow it is! I have to say though, it's been fun having her home with me these past few days. I missed cuddling and taking naps together. But responsibility must prevail...

Michael is doing well. Tons of homework this week so I feel like I've barely seen him. I definitely owe him some one on one time very soon. Poor guy, all work and no play can make for a very cranky eight year old.

Good Day...Sort Of

Amber got her cast off today... "Finally" were her words. We are hoping that her foot feels a little better tomorrow though because the doc wasn't sure if it was ready to come off. If it still hurts a lot tomorrow, the cast goes back on Thursday. Needless to say, Miss Amber is not happy about that. She's already saying that it feels just fine, but I can tell when she walks and the grimace on her face, that is not the case. It's so hard to get through to her that it may be what's best for her. She just doesn't get that yet. While I know she would absolutely kill me if we take her back, it would absolutely kill me if she had to have surgery if we don't get it fixed. It's a lose-lose situation I know, but someday she will thank me for it.

Until then, I just deal with the tears, the glares and the attitude. Better safe than sorry.

Yuck

Felt mucho yucky this weekend.... I think it was something I ate. Scott had the weekend off so at least I could sleep at will. Very helpful indeed... We were going to go to the Rodeo Parade but my stomach got the better of me and we missed it. My heart goes out to the family who lost their 5 year old daughter. I can't even begin to imagine their pain. It makes me think so much about my own children and I'm so glad that they know they are loved.

A Little Bit Of Weird

I couldn't really think of much to blog about, so instead, I decided to compile a list of things I think are kind of weird. About me of course...

1. I can't stand odd numbers. If the volume on my tv or radio is on an odd number, it must be
changed. No if's, and's, or but's about it.
2. Unless pulled directly out of the dishwasher, I wash every dish again from the cupboard
before using it.
3. My bottom lip is extremely ticklish, even lip gloss makes me giggle.
4. I mutilate most things before they are eaten... oreos, chocolate with stuff inside, you get the
idea.
5. I love to bite my kids' chins. I don't do it hard of course, it's more of a nibble. I can't believe
they still let me do it.

Ok, short list. For some reason, I can't think of anything else. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty of weirdness about me. But I'm tired.... Maybe more tomorrow.

Kinda Boring

There's not really much exciting happening around here. Michael had a fun weekend riding his bike and just hanging out. We are usually pretty busy every day so it was nice to take a breather and just hang out at home for a change. The kids definitely appreciated it. Amber went on a field trip today to check out the Butterfly exhibit at the Botanical Gardens. We didn't really have much of a discussion about it, but from what I gather, she had a lot of fun. Tonight we made some Amish friendship bread and rice krispy treats and the kids were off to bed. Like I said, not really exciting... =0)

V-Day and Other Stuff

I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day! Scott took me to lunch and we had a nice quiet day together. And he loved my gift... it couldn't have been better. The kids came home with so many valentines, they were all so cute! It was just a nice day altogether.

Today, on the other hand, not so nice. Amber has had a little rash for the last week or so and it was just getting worse so we took her to the doctor today. We had to pick her up early from school, and on our way to get her, the school calls to say that her foot was hurting a lot. So I'm sort of glad we were on our way anyway. One look at her rash and the doctor says she has eczema, and it's pretty bad. I know it's not that serious of a thing, but the poor girl has it on her bum and other unmentionable places. That makes it horrible... And horribly itchy. That's the not so nice part.

Dare To Be Nice

I was checking some random blogs and stumbled upon one with a challenge I would love to take part in. It's called Dare To Be Nice. Every week you are given a task to put nice comments on someone else's blog, and given that today is National Compliment Day, I thought I would take part. http://daretobenice.blogspot.com/

A Little Inspiration

Inspired by my crafty friend's valentine for her honey, I made a gift for my own. I decided it was a much better idea than going out and buying a useless gift. I never know what to get him, and usually end up getting a last minute present that doesn't really mean much to either of us. So I hope he loves my handmade gift and the thought put into it.

This and That

It seems so funny to me that I think of things to blog about every day, yet it rarely happens. I think "Oohh, this would make a good one", then I practically write it in my head, and somehow, there's a party of me that really thinks I posted. So when I check it, I'm in shock to see what the last thing I wrote actually was. Crazy, huh?
Anyway, we've been pretty busy. I've been crafing like a maniac. Except I usually do more than one thing at a time, so the finished products progress quite slowly. And sometimes my imagination doesn't stretch as far as I would like, and many things end up unfinished. I wish I had the mind of an artist, ideas flowing all of the time. I feel sometimes like my ideas are almost forced, and I end up unhappy with what I made. I know that doesn't make much sense. I love making things, I just wish they were better. I know I should be happy with what I make because it does come from the heart, so I suppose thats all that matters right?
Moving along... Michael went on a field trip Friday to The Gem and Mineral Show, which he loved so much that he begged me to take him again that afternoon. I haven't been since I went on field trips forever and ever ago, so we went. It was so amazing!! Michael (the seasoned pro) showed Amber and I everything, and they both got tons of things for very reasonable prices. After we got home, they turned our hallway into their very own show. Not that we have a lot of space in the hallway for that, but they are both very proud of their findings. How could I not agree?

Duct Tape Purse

I had no idea that you could ever make something out of duct tape that would be cute! And I mean cute! So I now have an addiction to the show "That's Clever", even though I didn't get to see the one I was trying to find. Sometimes I watch crafty shows and think to myself that me doing something like that was impossible. It is so awesome that there are things laying around my very own house that can be used for crafts. I love it! And this purse was so easy... it probably took me 30-45 minutes altogether to finish it. I can't wait to make more!

Happy Birthday Amber!

Has it been 6 years already?? I just can't believe how time flies. Last night Amber got to pick where we ate (being her birthday and all), so she chose the ever-famous Chuck E Cheese. Not my first choice. Actually, not ever my choice, but it's the one day a year they can pick it. They both had a lot of fun and slept well last night so I can't say it wasn't a good thing. Her party with family and friends will be on Sunday, so we are busy shopping for her theme this year: Valentine's Day. It was easy to find all the things she wanted; pink, purple, and hearts.

Broken Feet

Amber got her cast yesterday. Red, her "most favorite" color. But it was quite the decision between red, pink and purple. She may be smiling in this particular picture, but it's quite another story when she gets an itch. The "itchies" are not her friend. So we've kept her busy doing other things. We got her a stamp set, some workbooks, new crayons (her favorite thing in the world), coloring books, and a few toys. It's like Christmas all over for her again. But you do whatever it takes right? She also went to school for a few hours and all of her friends signed her cast. It was so cute...

Today I did a little shopping and we bought some stuff at Wal-Mart to make bookmarks and a few other crafts. So we had a fun night of crafting together... I hope it's something we do more often together. Michael mentioned selling the things we made and it seems like a good idea. I will have to look into craft fairs and see what's out there. I know it may not be the most quality items, but I think the kids would have so much fun it wouldn't really matter if we made any money at all. Here are a few of the things we made tonight...