Not For The Faint Of Heart

I've never wanted to imagine how it feels to have your own life flash before your eyes. Yesterday, I prayed it was my own instead of my baby's. Around 6pm yesterday evening, Michael was attacked by a dog. There had been no teasing, no taunting, just the quick open of a door and it happened in seconds. (Before I get into too many details, I want to say that he "OK" and resting in his own bed. "OK" is definitely an understatement, but he's not in the hospital anymore so that's a little bit of good news.) I can't even type it..... The flashbacks from yesterday are still so real in my mind that I can do nothing but cry when I think of it. I will just say that I have never fought harder at any time in my life for my child than I did yesterday.

It haunts me that it still wasn't good enough. That dog seriously hurt my little boy... He bit his face and tore off all of his clothes, and while I was doing everything possible to stop it, it wasn't good enough. He will be marked forever by that dog, having to endure more than any child should ever have to. It breaks my heart and I can't fix it.

I have so many emotions running through me at the same time. Anger, sadness, confusion, denial. I don't know what to do with that. As sad and backward as it seems, Michael has been my rock. He told me the whole way to the hospital that he was going to be ok, that we would get through this. WE!! Like I had been hurt... It is so hard not to feel like I failed him somehow, like I could have done more to protect him. I have always believed that things happen for a reason, but there is absolutely no reason for this. NO reason why an innocent child should be mauled by a vicious animal. I can't even fathom it.

I should say that Michael is doing remarkably well. I do realize that it is very soon after the fact, but he has had no complaints through all of this. None. He does have the anxiety and the fear of this happening again though, and I hope to seek some sort of therapy to make sure this doesn't hinder him in every day life. We go to see a plastic surgeon on Monday (the one who fixed him up in the ER), so I should know a little more then about what they are going to do. He said they would probably end up doing a skin graft at some point and possibly a few surgeries along the way.

It's not fair that he has to go through this... It tears me apart inside to watch him be so brave. I don't think I could possibly be any prouder of him than I am right now for facing this with such a wonderful attitude. He has no idea what is happening to him, but he knows it's going to be ok.

I just wish I knew that too.