Too Much...

Too many thoughts are running around in my head lately. Some nights I can't sleep, and it bothers me. It won't stop. I just want to shut off my brain somehow, but obviously I can't do that. Maybe writing some of them down here will help...

A while back, I posted a blog about a challenge I wanted to do, becoming a vegetarian for a month or so. It went well, I have to say. Slowly, I started eating meat again because it was just an experiment. I didn't really plan on doing it forever. Well a few months ago, I decided to try the Atkins diet to try and lose some weight. BIG mistake... I felt so gross all the time, no energy and just pretty crappy. I felt sick. I got kind of turned off by all the meat so I decided to take a break from it for a while. Well this was 3 weeks ago and I have to say I feel better than I've felt in a long time. Honestly, I don't think I want it anymore. It's so hard to explain, but I feel changed somehow.

Here's my issue with that though... I don't feel like a vegetarian. I can't even say the word. My friend asked me if I wanted a bite of something she had, which had meat in it, so I just said no thank you. Apparently not a good enough answer... Finally I got tired of her waving it in my face so I told her that I wasn't eating meat right now. To which she replies, "What, are you going vegetarian on me??" Like it's this horrible thing or something. Because what a horrible person I must be to not try her burrito. I've only talked to one person about my choice who I knew would understand. I know it should be this decision that I should be proud of, but all I feel is embarrassed and ashamed.

Why do I feel this way??? I can't even imagine how I'm going to tell my family. I have a cousin who's a vegetarian and every holiday, she gets crap about it. EVERY HOLIDAY!! I always felt bad for her that she had to put up with that, but it never really seemed to bother her. I've considered not telling them at all, but I know that won't hold up forever. Eventually I'll have to get over it and just say it, but I don't think it will be anytime soon.

I'll have to drop the V-Bomb someday...

Finally......

I am posting! Yay!!!! Ok, not that exciting.... We have been pretty good, kids are doing well in school. Michael's teacher had knee replacement surgery a few weeks ago and she probably won't be back the rest of the year. While I thought this would delight me, I now feel guilty about maybe not being so nice. We sort of made peace in our own ways, and wish her nothing but the best. Homework, however, has been the same as she is still running the show from her bed. =) He doesn't really mind though so I suppose I shouldn't either. Amber is back in gymnastics and doing well. Her foot isn't 100% yet so she takes it a little easy on the running and jumping, but she knows her limits so I leave it to her to decide what she can and can't do.

I've been keeping busy with work and trying to clean up our house. I swear, I think a secret gnome or something ransacks us every day and messes it up again. Impossible... ok maybe not impossible, but very difficult. I have also been going to yoga with a few friends form work. LOVE IT!!! Our teacher is so awesome... I am not the most flexible person in the world, but she tweaks it so it works for me. And even though I may not be able to move for a few days afterwards, it is a good pain. I assume it will go away with time. And more yoga of course.

Can you believe it was warm enough to swim last week??? Too cold for me, but the kids lasted for a few minutes.