Too Much...

Too many thoughts are running around in my head lately. Some nights I can't sleep, and it bothers me. It won't stop. I just want to shut off my brain somehow, but obviously I can't do that. Maybe writing some of them down here will help...

A while back, I posted a blog about a challenge I wanted to do, becoming a vegetarian for a month or so. It went well, I have to say. Slowly, I started eating meat again because it was just an experiment. I didn't really plan on doing it forever. Well a few months ago, I decided to try the Atkins diet to try and lose some weight. BIG mistake... I felt so gross all the time, no energy and just pretty crappy. I felt sick. I got kind of turned off by all the meat so I decided to take a break from it for a while. Well this was 3 weeks ago and I have to say I feel better than I've felt in a long time. Honestly, I don't think I want it anymore. It's so hard to explain, but I feel changed somehow.

Here's my issue with that though... I don't feel like a vegetarian. I can't even say the word. My friend asked me if I wanted a bite of something she had, which had meat in it, so I just said no thank you. Apparently not a good enough answer... Finally I got tired of her waving it in my face so I told her that I wasn't eating meat right now. To which she replies, "What, are you going vegetarian on me??" Like it's this horrible thing or something. Because what a horrible person I must be to not try her burrito. I've only talked to one person about my choice who I knew would understand. I know it should be this decision that I should be proud of, but all I feel is embarrassed and ashamed.

Why do I feel this way??? I can't even imagine how I'm going to tell my family. I have a cousin who's a vegetarian and every holiday, she gets crap about it. EVERY HOLIDAY!! I always felt bad for her that she had to put up with that, but it never really seemed to bother her. I've considered not telling them at all, but I know that won't hold up forever. Eventually I'll have to get over it and just say it, but I don't think it will be anytime soon.

I'll have to drop the V-Bomb someday...