Lots Of Updates

Oh, where do I begin? I feel like I have so much to write about... When I'm done though, it probably won't be too much. There seems to be so much floating around in my head all the time, but rarely does it make it on the computer. Oh well....
So happy birthday to my little man Michael!!! He is officially 8 years old today. It's so crazy how time flies, I am in shock at how big he is, how mature he's getting. We have so many adult conversations these days, about life in general, school, whatever his little mind is thinking. Such a big guy now, it makes me proud and breaks my heart all at the same time. He decided this year he wanted a Halloween birthday party, so we had one for him this past Saturday, and it went wonderfully. He had tons of fun with his friends and family and that's about all a kid can ask for right? (Not to mention all of the awesome gifts and money, that's always good.) Here is a pic of him bobbing for apples.

Ok, moving along now.... So I wrote a long time ago that I would like to try to be a vegetarian for a month or so. Well, Scott and I recently talked about it and decided to try it out. And except for 1 mess up a few days ago, I have been meat free for the last week and a half. Much to my surprise, the kids also wanted to try this out. Amber has been telling everyone for the last week that she is now a vegetarian. It's funny to hear her say that, I don't know why. I think she just likes the word. And her teacher is a vegetarian so I think that has a big influence on her decision. While it has been easier than I thought it would be, (the 1 slip up was truly an accident) I feel really awkward telling people about it. Amber told my mother in law about it, in turn who told Amber it was a "ridiculous" idea. I hate that I don't have the guts to yell at her and tell her that Amber is old enough to make her own decisions, if she doesn't want to eat meat for the rest of her life, so be it. And it wouldn't bother me if she does want to eat meat again... I want my kids to grow up knowing that I support them 100%, and I hope that they feel validated enough to come to me with anything. Maybe I feel this way because I never felt like I could tell my parents everything. Don't get me wrong, they're wonderful people, but they are not exactly what you would call open-minded. I still haven't told them about being a vegetarian (for the time being of course) because I fear their response. I know for a fact I will not be the least bit supported in my decision, and I know it shouldn't matter what they think, but I crave acceptance and I always will. It's part of who I am I guess.

So now I'm confused about the whole vegetarian thing. I didn't realize what an impact it would have on my life. But what bothers me most is I don't feel like I have a reason for becoming a vegetarian. I know what most of the reasons are, I just don't feel like I fit into any of those categories. I mean, I've eaten meat almost everyday for my entire 26 years of being here. How do you just stop one day and tell yourself it's suddenly wrong? Personally, I could not go out and hunt for an animal to kill and eat, but I've never had to. It's just there in front of me, all ready to go. Do I think it's wrong? Of course I do, I think about it all the time, but it never stopped me before. How do you change? How do you find acceptance? How do you learn to stop caring about acceptance? I truly have no idea... I am amazed and in awe that this "little experiment" of mine would make me question myself so much.

I think there's more I wanted to talk about, but it will have to wait for another blog. I am unbelievably tired after a long day...